On my last post I suppose I was so excited to announce the arrival of Dawson that I forgot to thank a very special lady. After Dawson was born my mom came to stay with us for more than a week. I can't tell you how much that helped David and I. I know we are adults, but since I had to have a c-section with Dawson I wasn't as mobile as I thought I would be. The reason I had to have a c-section was because after my water broke Dawson's heart rate would suddenly drop when they checked to see how far along I was. They never figured out why his heart rate did that, but it made Dr. Kinder nervous. He made the decision to perform the c-section shortly after. I don't regret his decision one bit. I suppose I don't know any other alternative. I'm still sore, and still recovering but as for the day to day things I'm pretty well recovered.

Our first night home I had a massive break down. I think it was largely due to the imbalance of my hormones, and partially due to the amount of pain I was in at the time. Dawson started crying. He was hungry and probably needed a diaper change. I attempted to get up to care for him and I couldn't. It broke my heart. I had to have someone else help me get up in order to care for my child. I lost it. Thank goodness for David and my mom. They both comforted me in the best way they knew how. They assured me that I wasn't the "bad" mother I thought I was. I laugh about it now, but then I was on an emotional roller coaster. Thankfully, as the days passed I started feeling better and was able to move around on my own. I don't think I've prayed that much in my whole life! Thankfully God had my back and helped me work through the craziness.

I know that many people preach and teach about how difficult it is having a newborn child and how much sleep you lose, but I haven't noticed too much. I love feeding Dawson at night and seeing his beautiful eyes staring back at me. When he smiles in my arms my heart melts. I know that the love you share with your parents is special, but the love you share with a child is simply wonderful. I'm not sure how to explain it, but now I feel a deeper understanding for unconditional love. It has been taken to a whole different level for me.

There are many studies conducted on the happiness experienced by married couples after they have children. Most of the studies show a dramatic decline in the degree of happiness of these couples when children are introduced into the family system. For me, I feel the opposite. I think that us having Dawson has opened a new door for David and I. I feel like Dawson has completed an incomplete circle for us. I didn't realize that David and I could get any closer in our marital relationship, but we have. At random times of the day I'll catch David watching me rock Dawson to sleep. He smiles wider than I've ever seen and simply says, "I love you." Without saying another word I understand what he's saying. When I see Dawson asleep on David's chest, or hear David telling Dawson just how much he loves him it brings me to tears. I'm sorry to sound so sappy, but I love my family.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve such a loving husband and son, but I'm truly grateful for both of them. This Christmas is one I'll never forget.

Love,

Mrs. S.